Wednesday, April 1, 2015

the hands that you give.... to arse

When I was itemising the highlights of Great Rock 'n' Swindle as replayed by me and my brothers over and over... I unaccountably omitted Malcolm's rendition of "You Need Hands"

Hilarious bit in this sequence from the movie:  frightfully posh voice coach Tona de Brett, who'd been hired to teach the Sex Pistols about "voice production" and found that Johnny Rotten was a hopeless case, opines fondly that McLaren had a "lovely ear" and really should have been a singer.

Contrast that with Trevor Horn's comments about Malcolm being tone-deaf and having zero rhythmic sense.

I think Malcolm does quite a nice job with "You Need Hands".

The bit we liked most, of course, was the ending, which carried on the Pistolian tradition of "vaaaa-cunt" etc, and has McLaren insolently stretching out "us" into "aaaaaaaaarse" -  so,  "the hands we hold we hold so dear / are the hands we love to hear / are the hands that you gi-ive / to aaaaaa-aaaaa-aaaaa- aarrse / everybody / it's the hands that you giii-iiive / to arse"

The original, from 1958, was by Max Bygraves  - sung and written by him (under the pseudonym of Roy Irwin).

Now, funny thing, I have a tiny connection to Max...  My parents both worked at a photographic agency in the early 1960s. The  Keystone Press Agency mostly fed pictures and captions to the Fleet Street papers, but they supplied the Max Bygraves TV show with pictures of children for a routine he was doing in a show. And I guess my mum - after she'd quit to have me - had came in  the office one day and one of the resident photographers took some pics of toddler me. And one shot ended up in this batch they sent to the Bygraves show. The routine was Max singing "You Must Have Been A Beautiful Baby" and then stopping every time a picture of  a child flashed up and doing a joke.

In my case, the patter was something like that, "Buy Venezuelan Zinc, sell pig belly futures"

Now Getty Images own the image; they must  have bought the Keystone archives.

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